Fun With Jayne

"Hey, baby que paso? Thought I was your only vato...?" Texas Tornadoes

2011-12-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

I’ve always found it really strange that every escort I now know is either married, engaged or in some kind of dating situation. At the time of this writing, I am the only single escort I know. Right now, I have two friends who are married, one who has a live-in boyfriend and another who is in a pretty serious relationship. None of these men knows or lets on that he has any idea that his significant other is working as a prostitute. Back in the late 90‘s I worked for an escort service in Houston, run by a gentleman I’ll call Jack. Out of the twenty or so girls who worked for Jack, only two had men in their lives who knew what they did. I used to work, this woman, Heather, quite a bit doing doubles and she was newly married. I was so surprised when she told me she had a husband. I myself was engaged, but for some reason I thought I was the only big fat liar. Heather told me she felt a little guilty about lying to her husband, but not enough to give up the Biz. She told me that her husband knew that she used to be an escort, but thought had she quit and now had an office job. While he knew she worked for Jack, he didn’t know that Jack was running an escort service. Monday through Friday she would go Jack’s office where he answered the escort agency phones and ran another legitimate business. She would help him with the administrative tasks and go on calls if a regular client asked for her, but only a known regular - a new guy might be a friend of her husband’s. Even though she didn’t need the money, she worked in the office because as she said, it meant she really wasn’t a liar.

Something else that always surprised me was the women I worked with who had been found out by their future husband and/or current boyfriend. Somehow they would get busted - usually it was from an accidentally undeleted email or a piece of paper with a name and address scribbled on it, overheard phone conversation, a forgotten condom in the purse. They would promise they had quit, make up some other job they were going to and continue to escort. Their lies didn’t surprise me, but the fact that their partners believed them did! I know from talking to these women and being one of them, they had sincerely planned to quit and just didn’t. They would keep on working, lie about it, and keep up the same lifestyle and level of spending and their men wouldn’t have a clue. I personally always suspected the men knew and didn’t want to admit it to themselves. How could they possibly think their wives were receptionists or waitresses and making three to five grand a week? But I also know that most people, especially these particular men who had never had a “real” job, didn’t understand the value of a dollar, so they didn’t understand how much it cost to have any sort of decent life. When as a couple you go out to eat ten times a week, go drinking with your friends most every night and pay all of your bills late, $175,000.00 doesn’t go far or seem like much.

Another thing that intrigued me was how most of the women got involved with very sweet men who weren’t very accomplished in their own lives either personally or professionally Occasionally, I would meet an escort who had a boyfriend who had a professional job, but that was rare. Mostly, you’d have workaholic prostitutes hooked up with underachieving men… and at that time and many times after this included me.

I plan to discuss the topic of lying, why I believe it’s so pervasive in the adult industry (it’s not why you may think!) and all it’s implications in another blog post soon. Until, then...

Why I Don't Have Any Reviews

2011-10-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Hello, Everybody! I am just returning from a wonderful two-week vacation in a gorgeous tropical place. I'll write about it in the next few weeks and post some pictures when things settle down for me here at home.

Every now and then I'm asked whether or not I have any reviews. What I tell everyone is the truth; I used to go by another name and was very well reviewed on TER in New York and ASPD Houston, Austin and San Antonio. Because I had someone "out" me to my family I had all of my reviews pulled and started to go by a different name. What this A-hole did was print off the pages of my website, blog, online ads, reviews, etc, compile a package and mail it to various members of my family including my teenage son, ex-boyfriend (who knew, but still!) and any place that he could think of that might embarrass me. He included a cover letter with my real name and addressed to each person individually stating that as a "concerned, teacher, fellow-tenant, client of the salon or store" whatever fit the recipient that they wanted them to know who I "really was."

That was truly awful for a number of reasons. One, it's no one's choice but my own to decide to whom I share information about my professional life and number two, I worked very hard to build a stellar reputation and market myself in a really fun and positive way. I had really kickass reviews and while I honestly have never been a big fan of the whole review thing, I tolerated it because I thought it really helped my business. Now that my family and my landlord, neighbors, my hair salon and my favorite place in Houston to shop for clothes, all know that I'm an escort, I decided that having detailed information available online about my activities was no longer appropriate. While I realize any of them can at any time, decide to come here and read my blog, at least some jackass can't print off copies of my reviews and mail them to my daughter and my son. Nice, huh?

So now I'm sure you're curious about the small minded fucko who took it upon himself to share my private affairs with innocent people who really didn't need to know...while I would absolutely LOVE to blast his personal information all over the Internet, I, unlike him, have a code of honor. I believe that when I meet someone and any of you entrust me with your precious private information, that it is my duty to keep it secret, keep it safe. I expect any of you to safeguard my information just the same, like my private cell number and incall apartment address. When we get together we have a deal, a contract, I don't tell anyone about you (except in general terms for a reference and ONLY with your permission) and you don't tell anyone about me except to maybe confirm what might already be on my website. What we do when we are alone together is our very personal private affair. It's a simple concept. However, I put my trust in someone who in a fit of childish rage, instead of stomping his stubby little foot and going away, decided to punish me for ending our business relationship. I NEVER imagined that this could much less would ever happen to me.

This certain someone was a "man" I was seeing exclusively for part of last year. Those of you who knew me by a different name, saw me drop off the map, as I was just seeing a few then just this one client. I made it very very clear from the outset of our relationship, that I was an escort and he was my client and that was the totality of our relationship. He always said he understood, but about two months into our seeing each other on a somewhat regular basis he started telling me he loved me. I told him to knock it off and he persisted. I told him that wasn't appropriate and that our relationship was going nowhere that we weren't dating, that he answered my escort ad, not an e-harmony dating profile. I told him that if he persisted that I wouldn't be able to see him any more.

Anyway, he would behave for a while and then start in again. We were having fun, traveling first class everywhere, he would have limos pick me up from the airport and whisk me away to meet him at whatever 5-star resort he booked us in, massages, shopping, art galleries, museum openings, wine tastings, eating at the finest restaurants in whatever city we were in all over the world, going to very exotic out of the way places - we were having fun! Even though I was never physically attracted to him, I liked talking to him, he was intelligent and just a few years older than me. I was able to spend a lot of time with him because he had a very low sex drive and was very much into the companionship aspect of our situation. Otherwise, it wouldn't have lasted - I can be sexually attracted to most anyone for an hour, but to pretend for days at a time....uh, no! So to any of you I've seen overnight, or over and over again, you know I must really like you! I don't see people I don't like; it's what keeps me sane and gives me longevity in the Biz.

He got to the point where he was texting me all day every day and would become upset with me if I didn't respond to him. He is an attorney, so I never understood how he had all of this time to obsess over me. He wanted me to answer to him, to be at his beck and call all day every day. He would even text me at 3 and 4 in the morning and expect a response from me when I got up. I told him to knock it off that no one in my life acted like this and I wouldn't tolerate it. At the same time, I didn't want to lose the large chunk of change I was getting from him every month. But I've never been one to tolerate a possessive man - I was an escort for chrissakes! I'm not freewheeling and independent because I'm an escort, I'm an escort because I possess those qualities. Again, he would back off for a while and then start in again with the psycho behavior. Seriously, no one reading this can possibly think this is an appropriate way for a man, MUCH LESS a client to act, right?

I'd finally had it when he kept mentioning my meeting his children. This is what I wrote to him in an email:

"This is supposed to be light and fun and you are making it heavy and serious. I am a paid companion and we have developed a good friendship. You pay me to spend time with you, so why would you talk to your children about me as if you were dating me?

I told you in Dallas that there is nothing about my life that says I want a relationship with you or anyone. That has not changed. First and foremost is that I am an escort - I would think that would be enough for you to understand I'm not available for and don't want an intimate emotional relationship. Why would you want to have a hooker as a girlfriend? You and me are "friends with benefits" we aren't dating, I'm your paid traveling companion. Haven't you ever had a casual relationship before? Think of this as one of those. I care about you as a person and as a friend. We have a business arrangement and if you can't accept that then please stop seeing me.

I hope that you now know how strongly I feel about your behavior - strongly enough that I'm willing to suffer the loss of your friendship as well as financial consequences in order not to experience it again.

If you don't want to see me any more I understand completely. I know I just can't give you what you want from me."

We saw each other about 10 days later and hashed out an agreement. This was October of 2010. Again, things were fine for a while, and then they digressed. Yes, I stayed because of the money, I figured no matter what occupation you have in life there's a certain amount of crapola that goes along with it. I could either be making a nice bit of money each month just seeing him, finishing my book, starting my foundation and traveling all over the world and putting up with his idiosyncrasies or I could go back to touring and being away from home most of the time, having little free time until I met some other clients who were financially like him.

The first package went out some time in February of this year. The last one went out the last week of August. He had two fake terrible reviews posted about me - fortunately I had such an amazing reputation, TER knew me and took them down. Throughout these months he's called, he's emailed, texted begged me to come back. He's had his friends, assistant, contacted some of my friends trying to get them to convince me to see him again. I had to block my number and move and hire an attorney. It has been ridiculous. He's still at it. His most recent text to me was yesterday asking me how much money it would take to get me to see him. "Give me a number." was his text to me. He buys his way out of every situation he doesn't like. This time it isn't working. After all he's done he thinks he can pay me to see him again. After he betrayed me like this involved my children, he thinks money will make it all better. He doesn't understand that I'm for hire, not for sale. I couldn't even look at him much less let him touch me. He has no idea what it's like to really care about someone and have someone care for him. He has no idea what friendship and trust mean or feel like. He thought that sending the packages would make me need him instead his misjudged me and my wonderful support system of loyal friends and loving family. He pushed me away from him by sending the packages. He created this situation, just the same as an arsonist sets a building on fire so he can rescue it's occupants and be called a hero. How pathetic must he be to chase around a reluctant escort - what, he doesn't have anyone else he can be with? He's got to menace a woman who gets paid for her time, but who won't take his money? Really? I'm his best option? Wow....

I've been wanting to "talk" about this for a while because as you can imagine, it's been very stressful and made me very leery about who I see - I have always been a stickler for references, but I've been fearful that he would pose as a different person in an effort to see me or waste my time. I know that he's reading this, so I didn't say where I had been on vacation just yet. I was also hesitant to write about this because I don't want to provoke further action from him. But I've decided to take actions of my own. He's not the only one who can put together packages...

Even after the first package went out in February, I didn't let that stop me from escorting. I quickly changed my name and had another website built and new pictures taken. He made it hard for a while because I didn't want to have my site up while packages were flying around. But since this is how I make my living, I had to be strong and know that no one but me decides when I quit escorting.

He intimidated me for a while, but he played his best card first by sending one of the first packages to my son. He was the only one I really wanted to protect - shuh! Everyone in my life who is important to me got a package. Now they all know. Instead of it isolating me and driving me back to him, like I know he had hoped it would, I have gotten support from the most surprising places. EVERYONE who got a package, called me to let me know they had gotten it. They all told me the only reason they were calling was to let me know that someone was harassing me. They told me they were sorry and wanted to know what they could do to help me. Yes, I was embarrassed and often cried when I got off the phone with my family and friends, but I cried because I was so touched by their kindness, by their support, by their love for me no matter what I do now or have done they have all let me know that I am worthy of their love and support. I'm closer now to my family and my friends. I'm hesitant to say this but he actually did me a service by exposing me the way he has. Yes, there are times I'm still absolutely mortified that some people know that I'm an escort, not because I'm ashamed of what I do, but because most people just don't understand and worry about me. It was hard the first time I walked into my beauty salon knowing that all of those girls in there knew what I did, but they didn't care and thought it was cool and asked me all kinds of questions! Yeah, I avoid a certain Pilate's class now because the manager of my old building attends, but I'll get over it eventually.

The interesting thing to me about that very thing is that is a mission statement that I wrote for myself, I believe:

"that my primary purpose in life is to be a messenger with the purpose of inspiring others in ways so broad and beautiful that I can’t always imagine. I am a messenger. I am here to help all people that I come into contact with know that they are not alone in the things they may have felt or be feeling and that no matter what they do now or have done in the past that they are worthy of all the love and goodness and happiness and joy that they can ever desire. My life is an example of that."

"Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves." Zig Ziglar

2011-01-27T14:50:00.000-08:00

My dear readers – I know it’s been too long since my last installment in the J Files, Chronicles of Jayne or The World According to Jayne. I’ve been writing all these months and what often stops me from publishing my writings here is their appropriateness. I write every day and have two other writing projects and am meeting with someone to start a third project tomorrow in NYC. Most everything I write is very personal or what I some times feel is too personal. I don’t want to publish them here; I don’t want to say too much - too much about me or about any of you.

Lately, I’ve been acting as if I’m semi-retired and I even paused my website for a while. I’ve always been selective about who I see, and for the past several months I’ve been in what most escorts I know would find to be a very enviable position of not really having to see any more clients at all. I have several client-friends that I’ve met over the past few years that I really want to keep seeing. I have no interest in a monogamous relationship in or outside of the business and it’s actually a rare occasion when I enjoy having intimate relations with a total stranger. Shocking I know! That’s why I changed my site a while back to show that I’m available for a 3-hour minimum date for new guys. I didn’t do that out of greed, but because that’s what makes me the most happy mentally, emotionally and physically. I like to spend a little time getting to know someone, making a connection with them before we move to the physical realm. Dinner and some wine is the perfect forum for that. Very rarely have I met someone and we have the kind of chemistry that screams, “Let’s get it on!’ I certainly have, but typically for me, like 99% of women in the world, I like to be romanced a little before I let you sink the pink. Some men can do that in an hour, most men can’t.

There was a time in my career when I loved the hour-long dates with new guys. Fortunately for me, from the start of my career, I’ve always had guys who preferred the multi-hour/dinner dates and I’ve found they tend to be the more sophisticated client whether he’s an old pro himself or brand new to the game. By sophisticated, I mean he knows about women and knows he’ll have a better time if he wines and dines a lady. While touring it was always nice to have a few dinner dates with a sprinkling of dates that were set for an hour or two and have a great time and never feel tired mentally or physically. Now I’ve found that I really don’t enjoy the hourly date unless I know someone really well, it’s actually been months since I’ve done any at all. I haven’t toured in close to a year and I found that while I was touring, the 90-minute minimum was perfect for me.

I had always been very curious about those girls with the 4-hour minimums and now I understand why they do that. Why would you go to the trouble of doing your hair and makeup and buying a new outfit and getting your nails done, pedicure and waxing and get in your car and drive and then park or have to take a cab and all that hassle for just an hour? Why when you have someone who is wining and dining you and giving you gifts and sending you flowers and candy and having you spend nights and weekends and weeks traveling to fun cities?

Again, I don’t want to sound like a snob and those of you who know me, know that I am certainly not a snob nor could I be characterized as anything close to that. It seems that in this business it’s not acceptable for women to advance their careers or change their rate structures or business models. When we do we’re called greedy, bitchy, snobby, unrealistic or selfish. When we treat our business as a business, when we act like the entrepreneurs that we are, we are we are roundly criticized by other women who are afraid to charge what they know they are worth and men who would never be our clients anyway because we aren’t doormats. I think these attitudes can be blamed on the fact that most people, including many escorts themselves, don’t consider escorting to be a legitimate career. Most escorts I’ve known and/or talked to are looking for a way to retire, looking for a way out, wanting to quit and pretend they never were professional companions. There are of course lots of different reasons for this that I’ll go into another time, but for now, my point is, that I love what I do, I do what I love and I want to be handsomely paid to do it!

Just like any other career path, when you get to a certain point, you should expect to be able to make advances in pay and have more control over your schedule and the quality of your life and lifestyle. I’ve always had the attitude that no matter what the financial consideration may be, if I don’t like someone I won’t spend time with him and I never should be expected to do so. What I do is way to personal to ever compromise myself like that. I’m not saying I haven’t done that – that’s how I know I won’t be doing it again!

I’ve also gotten to a point where I realize how much I really have sacrificed to be in this profession. As I stated previously, I have very consciously chosen this profession and I don’t feel sorry for myself nor do I expect anyone to take pity on me. But it is an important consideration in why I put such a high value on my time. Over the past several years I have a left a trail behind me strewn with lies; lies to my family, my friends, boyfriends, a fiancé or two, a husband, schools, teachers, other parents, little league coaches, landlords, classmates, bartenders, waiters, people sitting next to me on a plane, hotel clerks. You get the point –I have to hide what I do from everyone. No one understands, well, except for you my dear readers/client-friends. Whether you want to know about my life, my work out of curiosity or genuine compassion, y’all are my solace. With you I never have to hide who I am or what I do and I am grateful for that. Thank you!

Becoming Jayne

2011-01-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

June 2009

How did I become Jayne? Why would an intelligent, educated woman, with many options choose to become an escort? Well, why not?

You might find the idea that it was my children who got me into escorting strange and ironic. I didn’t like the idea of being gone all day at work while someone else raised my children. I liked my career, but I was tired of feeling like either a bad mother or a bad manager. I felt like I wasn’t giving my children the time and nurturing they deserved. I wasn’t able to devote the time I felt was necessary to my job to make me feel I was doing my best quality work.

Money - although very important to me - has never been the primary drive behind my chosen profession – not this one and not the career I had before this one. I made great money but the 8 to 5 schedule our culture so fondly embraces isn't conducive to being a good parent. My second divorce left me a single mom with my kids in daycare before and after school. An ad in The Houston Post, promising, “great pay with flexible hours” is what got me escorting. It was wonderful to finally spend as much time as I wanted with my children, to be there for them when they got home from school and still be able to provide for them financially. What a blessing, what a godsend my first Madame was!

I guess most people would find it odd and think that maybe I'm lying when I say that money hasn’t been what’s kept me in the biz. It’s certainly an incentive, but for me it’s always been more than that. For anyone willingly in this business, it’s always more than that.

I don’t pretend to know or understand what motivates other people. But, I do think there’s a common thread that runs through all of us connected with this business. I’m not sure what it is, but at times I see a pattern starting to emerge. I always look for patterns and trends in everything - there is a pattern in everything. While being Jayne it seems that as soon as I think I find a pattern, it slips away. That makes me continually broaden my search and to have to allow for and include more variables. This practice has broadened me emotionally.

Over the years as I’ve gotten to know my dear client-friends most have a very similar story – not the same story, but very similar...

We’re all looking for something and we’re all mistakenly thinking we can find it in or with someone else. I know that's not unique to this business, but it's something that is allowed to be obvious. I guess what we’re all looking for is happiness. We often seek and find pleasure instead – of course I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Pleasure to me is like a flash of lightening that comes and goes very quickly. Happiness seems more like waves in the ocean that are steady and ongoing. I’ve found that for me happiness comes from a general sense of well being; just knowing that everything is exactly as is should be. Allowing things to be just as they are.

In becoming Jayne, I’ve found peace.